I really have a lot of pent-up aggression. I'm not sure where this comes from. I know that in our house growing up there were always winners and losers. Those who did (and were valued) and those who did not (the people that you can exploit, conquer and kill...otherwise  known as the weak).  Obviously this mentality has stayed with me. The winners do well at work, are smarter, run circles around everyone else, and generally rage around like a bull in a china shop. I am this way from trying to live up to my father's (and my own) unreasonable expectations. According to my uncle you may not be Jesus, but you can die trying. 

You see, one of the worst things about teaching school is that No Child Left Behind (NCLB) has backfired. Inclusion (the practice of including the emotionally disturbed, learning disabled, children with severe behavior issues in a regular classroom) is a lie. Instead of inspiring this group of formerly-excluded children to behave like the children who are smarter, brighter and better, it has done the opposite. An evolutionary backfire as occurred. Those children who were once the creme de la creme are now back-sliding into mediocrity and soon, if not checked into inferiority. Instead of containing learned helplessness to a certain group of students who were helped by professionals trained to deal with them, we have spread the get-something-for-nothing mentality to almost 2 entire generations of American society. 

Don't get me wrong. In theory it's all well and good. If this group of kids see high-achievers they will be high achievers. But on top of taking out the professionals trained to handle these problems, and raising expectations, and throwing 30 kids into a room (5 or 6 of which could qualify as the 'inclusion' children) with a teacher who is not equipped to deal with them. Funding has been cut to bail out the perpetually stupid and because you no longer have to pay for the programs and or teachers that come with them. The point is though, that it makes for a tough day. Worse still is that by 4 pm I can hardly wait to work out, and let my mind go to something other than not being perfect that day, or losing my temper or being ridiculed and cussed out by a ten year old, or better still getting little or no praise from a boss who says education is her passion, but really only cares about how high her test score will be, and how that can translate into a lump sum in her bank account. And then the world just gets in my way. I hate that at the end of most days all I can do is sneer and hit and kick and scream in the middle of rush hour. I really hate that at the end of most days I can hardly stop feeling like I haven't done anything worthwhile or that I don't deserve what I have because I find myself treating my fellow man like shit, even if it is just a thought or grisly cuss word from behind my steering wheel.