What I Miss About Being a Kid...

It seems that I have passed the point where petulance is cute, or even acceptable. I think you pass this point once you get a job. By that reasoning I left temper-tantrums behind when I was about 16. This week, however, I've been rushing back to that kid my folks gave a Grumpy Bear to like there is no tomorrow. There is no greater torture than not being able to stamp your foot, holler and then pout. 

It seems that this reached a head yesterday at the store. And I love going to Central Market for the variety, plus they make great flavored coffee. So I was just going to run in... 

Well I should have turned right on around when I couldn't find a parking space, but instead I waited, and ran in only to find so many people at the gelato/coffee counter that you'd have thought CM was discontinuing flavors. No big deal I'll just wait in line. Before I could even do that some rich-bitch (yes, the entitled kind) got in my way. I'm not sure whether this was caused by the fact that she had forgotten to take her sunglasses off and so now did not see me in the "dimmer" light of the store, but before I new it I was almost trampled like a garden snake with a designer heel planted someone along my posterior. Seeing as how I had already been semi-run down by another rich-bitch in the parking lot who thought that cars were supposed to go before folks crossing the street, I had had enough. I wheeled around and hissed: "Why don't you just run me the fuck over?!?!". This is another one of those moments in life where I wish I acted with more dignity, but alas, no.  I guess she didn't think me threatening to  take her high-heel off and beating her to death with it was serious enough for an answer, so I got in line. 

I hate lines. But there was only one person in front of me and the CM Barista was just finishing up with another customer, so I took a deep breath and waited. After all of two-minutes Devil-Me was ready to come back out. After another minute the lady in front of me (who's ass told me she shouldn't have been getting those latkes she was holding) decided to move to the register where the other barista was. It's a counter setting, if you stand there long enough they'll get to you. Another minute went by and she must have thought I'd escaped from the State School in Austin because she was all, "I don't think there's anyone at that one," Chortle, Snort, Chortle. 

Small talk is never an art I mastered, and I loathe doing it to people in stores. I'm not there to make a personal connection. I say please and thank you, get what I need and I go. If I wanted to talk or hang out I have a cell phone with a bevy of folks I could call. Again, since it's a counter-setting I don't have to queue up behind a register.  "Well, then she can just walk over this way!" I sneered (or rather shouted) at the top of my lungs to Ms. Fat Latkes 2009. That's when I noticed the family behind me quickly scurry to the other register that not contained the CM Barista, Ms. FL '09, and the newly arrived Appalled Family in its consumerist glow. 

I then decided to take a walk around the store, not only because I knew I was acting a Hot Mess but also because my normal, genteel(-ish) self had returned and I was going to try to start over. All in all this episode just illustrates my week. I wish that by yesterday afternoon I had been able to throw my fit, cry a little and stomp my foot only to have Mom come and dry my tears while she soothed the savage beast. Don't get me wrong, I like Meredith Grey's adult world of no rules, lots of sex and great shoes, but there's something said for being able to throw a tantrum like a child. 

 I love going to the store, unless it's after 9 am on the weekend because at that point every fool on God's green earth descends on every grocery outlet like locusts on new crops. Inevitably there is always some rich-bitch who gets in the way because she's "entitled" or some asshole who's so hen-pecked that he can't turn around without direction. Then there's my other favorite grocery store visitor, the child who doesn't know their place because we don't believe in spanking anymore. 

The Arbiter of Taste Meets His Match

Today I had a less-than-tasteful moment. This occurred to be when I was standing in line at the new Nordstrom's Rack opening for the super-hyped Park Lane development that folks are hoping will turn my Crackhood  across from Northpark into the next Uptown. Given the high cost of construction materials last year and the fact that no one is buying in existing stores this year, this little project has suffered some serious setbacks, including opening a year behind schedule. Needless to say with only a few stores opening they need to put some butts in the seats. The surest way to accomplish this is by offering free stuff. 

Now, I've known this for some time but always forget that putting "FREE" on something will automatically make it coveted. In fact, after today, I'm pretty sure someone could put a sign on a dung heap and start calling out "Hey, come get your free shit!!" people would start fist-fighting one another over the steaming piles...

Needless to say that I don't believe that you have to come from money to have class or to be presentable in public. Money helps, but it can't buy dignity. So I never, never go to anything that says "free" because that's the easiest way to meet some of the most classless people alive. However, there were a number of factors that led me to standing in line around 8:30 this morning: Spring Break, boredom and the chance of a $1,000 shopping spree and the Boy's eyes lighting up at the mere mention of this all collided to make this happen. 

Imagine my surprise (no, really) when I'm walking up and folks are actually camped out-like it's Black Friday Eve-in front of the store. First thought: Don't these people work? Second thought: It's a cheap tote. Third thought: WTF? Keep in mind that by the time the store opened at 9:00 there were about 500 people waiting to enter like Nordstrom's Knock-off is the Pearly Gates. Even better is that you have Highland Park Housewives and North Dallas New Money standing next to fresa Mexicans and just your everyday Joe (me). So after the drawing for the shopping spree (which I was disappointed not to win) the doors opened at 9-ish to cheers and claps (WTF??! Seriously?). After which it took all of 5 minutes just to get in and then the whole store staff is clapping for us. It was like a birthday at Olive Garden gone horribly, horribly wrong. 

This is where the Arbiter of Taste (again, me in case we have special ones reading) did several things that were tasteless. I shouted to some middle aged woman that if she wanted to converse with her girlfriend the Starbucks was across the street. Having worked retail and events like this for the better part of a decade (yes I'm only 25 and and I said decade) I hate stores and events like this because people just turn into beasts who are only interested in milling around until the spot a "Bargain" and move in to cull the herd. I try to get in and out, no matter what. 

Next I proceeded to buy 3 pairs of shoes and debated multiple t-shirts and even sunglasses (I don't wear sunglasses, but I want to start) before spending a staggering amount just because the label said Cole Haan (seriously, though I'm turning into a shoe whore, and yes I find this classless). I attribute this to two things: me being bored over Spring Break and the general fever of White Trash that takes people over in an outlet setting. I'm not against a good bargain. I work hard for my money and try to make the most out of it, but I am against crowds of people who are out for as much as they can for as little as they can.

 There is a fine line between making your dollar last and between getting what you haven't earned, I think that more often that not this is where it gets crossed. Nothing is ever free. The tote was given at the "time of purchase". 

Random

Ever since I did that "25 Random things" list floating around on Facebook, I keep making an invisible list of 25 things for whatever topic; food, entertaining, clothes, that type of thing...so here goes my random (but all too important thoughts on the range of the above mentioned):

1. I love cardigans. I know most people think that this is only for the super trendy or super frumpy or only for Mr. Rogers, however cardigans, especially in a solid color are a great accssory and given the right cut and color can add a great degree of professionalism to any outfit. 

2. I hate too much trend. You know big glasses, big chandleir earrings, leggings, Ugs, and and some enamel or wooden bracelet. Then top it off with a sweater that hugs your ass and a mettalic clutch and basically you've got too much trend. I also like to call it "Too young for your age" or "Too cool for who you really are".

3. I love v-necks. I work out, I eat right and try (and usually succeed) in depriving myself of fast food, french fries and sweets every day. I deserve to show off the result. You can find these v-necks in whichever solid hue you please at Urban Outfitters, 2/$24. Solids can be worn with anything and you can add a cardi or trendy sport coat and still look great. However, should you happen to me a man with breasts slashed to your chest, don't buy them, they're not for you. 

4. You can never go wrong with a white shirt and solid pants. The key to having a classic wardrobe is several pairs of loafers, socks in blue, black, brown and kackhi, and a few solid button downs or polos you have it made. However pop that collar, wear that polo with plaid shorts and top-siders and now you're the victim of too much look. 

Too be continued...

The Danger to the American Family

You'd have to be hiding and or living under a rock (hello future Unabombers) in the last four years to have heard nothing of the gay marriage debate that seems to be the next social Civil War. Parents fighting children, brother against brother, the lines are drawn. There is no middle ground. You're either a facist hertero or a militant fag. This has even been a central (and driving) moral issue for two consecutive presidential campaigns. THIS IS HUGE!!!

The cornerstone arguement for opponents of gay marriage is that it would be the end of the American Family as we know it. Now I'm not here to define family but I'm going to say that the "ideal" American Family looks much like the one I grew up (gay) in. Two parents, siblings, church-going, well-to-do, Republican. Unlike those that claim being a queer is catching, I didn't have anybody who was contagious around me. 

The other oft-voiced claim says that since gays can't have children they have no need to be married. I won't go into how insulting I would find this if I were a married woman without a functioning uterus or a married man with a severe testicular injury. Neither of these herterosexual examples can have children and so they must get divorced from their spouse straight away.  But I digress. 

This argument is fundamentally flawed because marriage is so rarely held in sacristy by anyone these days gay or straight. Let's take Britney Spears. All-American teenager, pop-star, one time role model, and also a girl who had sex out of wedlock, got married (and divorced) twice, has two children, whom she has endangered numerous times by being an addict and mental patient. Not only do I fail to see how this uphold the American Family, but I'm also pissed because I don't see Congress going into Special Session to put her in the DOMA. 

Even better the new-ish news broke last week that Bristol Palin and her baby daddy had split. I had written right after the Republican Convention that I found Sarah Palin appealing...all of America found Sarah Palin appealing before they found out she was a hippocrytical, Bible-thumping biggot.  But that's another soap box for another article.  What chaps my ass about this (for lack of something just as strong  but clean) is that this family was used by the McCain camp as a picture for the ideal. In the end both candidates on the GOP ticket make GOP values hollow. McCain is divorced, Palin's a middle-age Grandma who uses government to flog her opponenets into submission. While I understand that not all Republicans are against gay marriage and that even some Democrats are; the problem I have is that my "lifestyle" is being held up to the looking glass and scrutinized at the same time that theirs is being excused as "Human Mistakes". 

It does in fact seem, that most of these divorces and unwed pregnancies, dalliances and Branjoleena-like sexual escapades are brushed under the rug or written off under the "That's life," column. However, for most homosexuals this isn't the case, not even in the Community. When news leaked of one of the lesbian couples who had sued to be married in Massachusetts were now divorcing (like a straight couple) people were ready to lynch them and then burn them in effigy. Maybe we tend to do this because we spend so much time seeing homosexuals as something different; something scary, amoral and down-right "Not Right". 

Time after time we have seen that is far easier to disenfranchize and abuse those that we see as "not human". Whether it's bringing Africans across the Atlantic to chop cotton, or Zulus concentrated in camps, a concept that was copied in Nazi Germany 80 years later for the Jews. It seems to me, from where I sit, that the problem is not Britany Spears of Anjoleena Jolie (although they get far too much attention than true decency allows) or even Sarah Palin. Rather the biggest danger facing the American Family today is that it can no longer ignore the fact that we, the gay community, are a part of it. 

The Perfect Child

I was about 17 years old when I yelled back at my mother that she hadn't worried about me since the 8th grade because knew that I would could take care of myself. Now that I teach, and have "children" I think I have a pretty apt take on this part of parenthood. You tend not to worry about the child that does what they should.  When we were growing up my brother was always the one acting out, and because he did more (both good and bad) like play baseball and run track and play basketball I felt like our lives, and more importantly my parents' lives revolved around him.  I don't remember acting out very much and I never had my parents called to school like my brother did, but I do remember doing a few really big things that got me in big trouble. I wonder now, looking back, if this was my need for any attention. In any case this is a key example of how I felt ignored and felt that my siblings weren't. 

This is natural. People always heap tons on the one who can handle it.  It's like when the boss heaps lots of work on the trusted employee. Since I get to be the "boss" in my classroom this usually means that I give the assignment and let the kids who understand and know what they're doing alone. I have others who need my attention, who would rip my room down around my head like Samson do Delilah without my attention, and so the good ones get thrown to the side. I'm afraid this marginalization has damaging consequences.  

First, this means that we treat the good kids like adults. I'm sure I've said before that school has become a business that is measured by the bottom line gained from passing or failing a test. Much like any business a "failing" score or class or red bottom line, if you will, leads for the Big Boss (Principal) to ask what happened that you didn't turn a profit. This leads you to constantly be on the lookout for the slackers. What ends up happening though is that the child that doesn't produce gets more attention through his negative behavior than the child with positive behavior who you don't have to worry over. In the end, much like I did to my parents every now and again, this good kid turns into a BeBe's Kid, and then the teacher is left to wonder what the hell happened to that sweet, innocent, example of virtue you were holding up to the rest of the class like a cow at a Hindi picnic. In the end we may be forcing our good kids to grow up too fast and not making our bad kids grow up enough at all. 

I also remember feeling like even though I couldn't live up always to my parents' high expectation that the ones I had set for myself were even harder to reach. I'm sure that this is because I was used to pushing myself and having things come to me easily. I rarely had to try for an A until late high school and still didn't work all that hard until my second semester of college. Then things started snowballing. I was doing this and that and this and this and all of it together at the same time. Long story short, I ended up failing (or what I consider failing) at something that was really important to me. What made it worse is that there were factors that I couldn't control, but because I had no real coping mechanism for failure I ended up alienating people and even worse punishing myself for it. There area litany of ways to flagellate oneself: Hitting your forehead and chanting stupid like a Buddhist mantra, drinking, drugs, or my personal favorite; trying to starve out all your imperfections.  I won't sidebar on the swift, public downfall of my year and a half as Kate Moss' twin with a penis, but I will say that even today, when I feel less than perfect, I seek out that control I felt from depriving myself, from being stronger than the world around me (seriously) and fight like hell not to go back. Sadly, like my parents, I tend to focus on the failure than on what my kids do really well. This is doubly true for those kids that I tend to see as above reproach. 

As an adult I have forgotten that children have to be taught how to behave, and that this really takes a lot of (positive) reinforcement. This is a new generation. Gone are swats, and slaps and spanks. Today's preferred method of discipline is "talking" to your child and giving them ownership in their upbringing. If you're thinking this isn't the biggest oxymoron EVER, you're not alone. My point is this; since adults are rarely perfect, expecting their progeny to be is even more foolish. There's nothing wrong with expecting excellence, but just remember getting there is never perfect. 

"Oh If I wasn't a lady, what wouldn't I tell that Varmit"

So lately I've been watching "Gone With the Wind" a lot. I discover new things life lessons each time. If you know the movie (and book) one of the greatest conflicts is Scarlett's conflict with herself; her desire to "be a lady".  Never mind that Scarlett's version of a lady is antiquated, macho and unrealistic. Scarlett's struggle, is perhaps what makes her the person that most identify with. 

I generally have the stereotypical Texas (Southern) kick ass, take names later philosophy. You know, the, "They're my portiers now!" attitude. Needless to say that I make more enemies than LBJ.  No matter how many times I try to take a deep breath or think before I verbally bitch-slap someone the outcome is inevitable. I may not make you hate me right away, but at some point I'll say something that will make you want to cut my tongue out. Scarlett struggles with this through the whole movie. The only comforting thing is that at least she comes out on top. 

I wonder if everyone struggles with this beast, the real-life Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I constantly wish to have more grace and more dignity. I light the St. Jude so that he can make sure I'm not a lost cause. If I really were Catholic I'm sure I could say novena, after novena, after novena to be more caring, more loving, more giving and most of all more forgiving. Instead of having to build empathy slowly over time, like a castle, I wish it were just something I had. At the same time, Scarlett does always get the job done and that's nothing to take lightly. 

Suze Orman may be Queen...

People across America were shocked in mid-2008 when low and behold Suze Orman came out of the closet. I'm sorry, like most of the "I'm Gay" covers I wasn't really surprised, you've seen her hair right? And the leather jacket? Holy Shit! I'm scandlized. According to TIME, Suze's business is booming given the fact that America's liquidity more than freezing it's evaporating. 

It may even come as less of a surprise that in the past decade Homoexuals in the US are touted as the untapped Golden Cow of advertising because they have more disposible income than heterosexuals. They typically have no children to support, have a two-income household (again no one has to quit work for kids), and they are better educated. 

The Adovcate is wondering if gays are "recession proof".  In part I think this is influenced by the above factors. However, when I take a tear into the Gayborhood I am assaulted by a beavy of unsuccessful, siccphantic, queers who are too busy playing dress up on the A-List rather than working to get on the A-List. Seems even homos aren't immune to the general fever of laziness that seems to have gotten us into the Great Recession to begin with. 

Like any community, the Whites, Blacks or Hispanics; Homosexuals encompass a wide range of individuals that have different interests and different backgrounds. While I am not worried about the current situation just yet, I do find myself saving more, trying to cut back and waiting to see what will happen. As things continue to spiral farther, we find that the mood prevailing is Depression. Should this Recession deepen much farther, it may prove the theory wrong. 

Doomed to Repeat

 The modern-day spin doctors have hit the NY Times. The oft-argued, "most venerated" news publication in the U.S. is calling the current economic malaise the Great Recession. Regardless of whether or not the world will ever suffer an economic calamity quite like the Great Depression of the 1930's, this global downturn certainly has eerie parallels. 

 Like the Great Depression, our current predicament is the product of loose oversight and over-extended credit. The post-World War I boom of the 1920's affected many sections of American life. Groups who had rarely seen credit extended to them (farmers, small business owners) saw access to easy money. In the 2000s the targeted groups were the lower-middle class, immigrants and the all around fiscally irresponsible. In both instances those issuing the credit relied on the short-sighted hope that the economy would remain strong, stable and booming. In the end the crash of both 1929 and 2009 have changed the United States. And as in 1929, as the US goes, so goes the world. Economies all over the world who relied on US consumerism are now shuddering to a halt. 

  Both President Hoover and President Bush were men who had made their private fortunes before entering the White House and saw little value in the government regulating Big Business.  Prices rose, as did income, and everyone rushed to cash in. If that doesn't sound like Gatsby's  1920's West Egg then I don't know what does.

 Like his predecessor, President Bush did too little, too late to stem the downturn. And like Hoover's successor, FDR; Bush's successor, Obama is promising to do everything in his power to make sure "The only thing Americans have to fear is fear itself."

 There are other more startling and subtle similarities in the Great Recession and the Great Depression. In the 1930's and 1940's America was transformed from an agrarian society into the industrial society we are today. The foreclosures on farmers and coinciding Dust Bowl insured that industry would never again be the same. Leading economists today are contending that the same is happening in the manufacturing industry, auto industry and retail industry. 

 For those still burying their heads in the sand, the Great Recession is changing the way Americans are doing business. Fleeting are the days of high credit card bills, McMansions and the best new thing, regardless of the cost. Americans are cutting back, saving more and going without. Layaway is back (it was born of the Great Depression), and people are turning to the barter system. Instead of selling your house on the market these days, post your house on Craigslist. Like in the 1930s people are looking for any job that will put food on their tables, even if they pay a fraction of what the job seeker was making. Even Hollywood is becoming "cost conscious" and toning down their awards ceremonies and after parties. Even Oprah didn't give away her favorite things this year, but rather gave families tips on how to have fun for less than $100.  

 There was more to the Great Depression than just the money. The Great Depression changed the mindset of America, that's part of why it was so "great". My grandmother was born in May 1929, roughly 5 months before the bottom fell out of the market. By the time she was 10, America was barely undergoing an economic recovery. For the rest of her life she rarely threw things away, used a credit card or spent frivolously. Memories of not having much to throw away were never far from her mind. 

While it's too early to see how this generation growing up in the Great Recession will behave because of the times in which they lived, I know that like my great-grandparents my generation will never again feel as secure in their wealth as they did. 

Random

It's been a quiet week, well not really but discussing what I'd really like to discuss is a no go since it would technically be an admission of culpability. Instead, I'll just jot down a few things that made the week really good:

1. I've given up on "fixing" my kids. Basically instead of freaking out, and yelling and threatening things that would make Satan look like Little Mary Sunshine, I just give my lesson, go sit at my desk and write everything down. One of my babies remarked, "Oh you's cool, not all angry." She didn't really get it when I told her I just no longer cared. Sad. But it made for a really quiet week. That was super nice.
2. Last night I went to Central Market. They had turkey on sale in the deli, asparagus and Asian Pears were a great price too. I also tried a new Australian wine that was half the price of the one I normally get. 
3. The weather has been gorgeous. I love Texas in Springtime! Especially when the tulips start blooming and the magnolias come out in May. 
4. Mom and Dad are coming next week and I'm debating whether to take them down to Lower Greenville. I have a great fantasy of seeing my parents semi-wasted. I love the fact that my parents pushed me and goaded me and gave me a perfection/control complex, but I love it even more now that we can be friends. 

That was a quick, rundown of the week and a break for the wood on the top of my soap box. Friday night movie date and Tacos and beer make a great number 5.