Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!

So it would appear that I am not Superman, or as my girlfriend at school likes to put it, "You're human just like the rest of us." Somewhere between my third and fourth lap around the Village last night I got a dull pain and then a sharper pain until I could no longer come down even walking on my toes, without wanting to rip my foot off and beat the nearest passerby with it. I'm fortunate enough to say that in my almost 5 years of running daily this is my first injury, luckily more of a sprain than a break, but nonetheless I'm still furious. 

First of all, I like to run. I know this makes me weird (weirder) than most. I know that I can be obnoxious about this habit in my life. I'm sure it's on some one's Top Ten I Hate the Sonuvabtich List. But really, it's one of my final holdouts from my anorexia days that I still hold on too pretty feverishly. I look at running and the gym as my less crazed control mechanisms. For those of you who knew me when you might not see that much difference all the time, surely this is the case. I do tend to obsess about what I'm eating or how much I'm working out; things get tough at work or I feel less in control and that switch comes on. I know how I can sound, but I also know I eat more (quantity and quality) than I have before. 

These days I'm more about the fitness, I "get off" to copy that hippie fool one that one season of "Project Runway" on pushing myself, on running hard and fast and going to the gym. It's my inner-muscle head yearning to be free! But we all know I'd be lying if I told you that right now, sitting her typing this, ice pack on my foot, hobbled like a cripple, I'm terrified of this being something more serious than just a stressed tendon or a sprain. I'm sitting here, in the quiet, seeing me at the doctor's office hearing some Lab Coat tell me I won't ever be able to run again. After that I get lost in this blur of size 34 jeans, belly fat, acne and bad sex. I'm not sure if this is the Ghost of Christmas Past or Future coming my way. And I can't focus it out, because I can't run to have all the pieces fall into place.  Sick I know, but these days, the gym and the run are the only things that make me feel like I've done some good for the day. 

OK so now that I have the Oscar, I'll just count my blessings, ice down my foot and hope that I like riding the stationary bike.