Frankly My Dear

Everyone knows that scene in "Gone With The Wind, " Scarlett comes home from Ashley Wilkes' birthday party (after being caught in his arms, I'll try not to re-tell the whole movie), and in the end she gets carried up the stairs by a hulking Rhett Butler who "isn't going to be put out of your bed tonight." Never mind that today this would be rape, and that the Rhett Butlers of Atlanta had  a dysfunctional marriage. The scene that always surprises me is the next one, Scarlett sitting in bed, humming, content like a cat whose gotten her fill. Tonight, that's me. Before you go on imagining me in bed humming, having gotten my fill, and being fanned by my Mammy, let me explain. 

Tonight, in fact at this very moment, I'm laying in bed typing this and thanking my lucky stars that I have someone next to me to share it with. I'll be the first to admit that I hate acknowledging my feelings, unless they're angry, aggressive, or impatient, and maybe it's the fact that Saturday is Valentine's Day (which I love regardless of whether or not I'm seeing someone), "or maybe it's true his heart grew three sizes that day," but for whatever the reason I'm glad I'm next to someone who doesn't need or want me to the tough all the time.

What is it about American society today that inspires us to be this way? No one ever wants to be "That Girl" or "That Guy" or that anybody who lets any emotion (weakness) leak out through the cracks of an otherwise polished surface. It's so draining to be strong all the time don't you think? It's constantly keeping your head above water, not being able to swim so you just keep treading never getting any farther to shore. I always thought that you had to be the strong one, that otherwise people would take advantage of you (and I still believe this to a certain degree) once you let them in and cull you from the herd. Then an epiphany! Using your emotions is like floating. If you take a deep breath, stay calm and let the water carry you, everything will be fine. After so many years of building my own Jericho,  like Scarlett I realize that letting people in is so much more enjoyable than locking them out.