"Oh If I wasn't a lady, what wouldn't I tell that Varmit"

So lately I've been watching "Gone With the Wind" a lot. I discover new things life lessons each time. If you know the movie (and book) one of the greatest conflicts is Scarlett's conflict with herself; her desire to "be a lady".  Never mind that Scarlett's version of a lady is antiquated, macho and unrealistic. Scarlett's struggle, is perhaps what makes her the person that most identify with. 

I generally have the stereotypical Texas (Southern) kick ass, take names later philosophy. You know, the, "They're my portiers now!" attitude. Needless to say that I make more enemies than LBJ.  No matter how many times I try to take a deep breath or think before I verbally bitch-slap someone the outcome is inevitable. I may not make you hate me right away, but at some point I'll say something that will make you want to cut my tongue out. Scarlett struggles with this through the whole movie. The only comforting thing is that at least she comes out on top. 

I wonder if everyone struggles with this beast, the real-life Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I constantly wish to have more grace and more dignity. I light the St. Jude so that he can make sure I'm not a lost cause. If I really were Catholic I'm sure I could say novena, after novena, after novena to be more caring, more loving, more giving and most of all more forgiving. Instead of having to build empathy slowly over time, like a castle, I wish it were just something I had. At the same time, Scarlett does always get the job done and that's nothing to take lightly.