Legacies

I drove home from Mom's yesterday, and sat in the driver's seat with only the voices in my head keeping me company. For the past week I've been trying to put into words all these jumbled feelings. Much like finding the perfect Christmas present, this takes time and the ability to realize nothing is perfect. Including Dad. He knew this, and worked hard at trying to prove that he could be. I think this is where so much of his anxiety came from was never feeling good enough, and since I'm my father's son, I've been plagued by the same feeling in trying to eulogize him.

I am and will always be grateful for the fact that my dad made sure we could take care of ourselves, that we think about others and that we work hard to take care of ourselves and those we love. We don't lie, cheat or steal. Even though we bitch, complaining doesn't do any good, and just shouldn't happen. Crying doesn't solve anything, but it sure does make you feel better. Take care of your brother and sister, they're all you have in the end.

I see some things from the past week more clearly than others. Everyone pitching in on Wed., when Ben woke up late and needed help with the BBQ. Take care of each other, that's all you have.

This week I saw each of us doing the best that we could. There wasn't any complaining or great gnashing of teeth or tearing of clothes or utter colapse. There was grace and dignity and the resolute squaring of our shoulders and doing what needed to be done. My dad very much lived by the fact that "The price of greatness is responsiblity" and he made sure to pass that on to us.

I firmly believe that the Almighty gives us each of us only the load we can bear. When my Dad didn't have to carry his any further he went to rest. I think he could do this because he knew that he'd given each of us the tools that we needed. He knew we would be able to take care of ourselves, and make him proud.