Tapped out

That one Advil PM I took last night is still with me this morning. Almost 4 hours after I woke up, and more than 12 hours after I took it. OK, seriously? My mother says that my body has always been more (overly?) responsive to stimulants and more importantly depressants. "Why honey, if you were being especially grumpy and I needed to get stuff done, I'd just give you a little Tri-a-menic, and I'd have a good 3 hours." Umm, I think folks have been borrowing from Mom's playbook and taken it too far. But I get it. I have to say this must be true. The past few times I've taken anything I wake up feeling like aliens must have sedated me while performing some type of radical experiment on me. But, since I woke up with both testicles this morning, I think it's just the Advil.

I haven't been sleeping well lately. If you read yesterday, there was actual proof. I rambled like the fool I am. But what really bugs me, besides just being exhausted, is that I can't quite put my finger on what's causing my insomnia. Or worse than that, I know deep down what the deal is and refuse to admit it. I have no problem with confrontation. I usually don't mind admitting to my faults or confronting unpleasant things about myself. The problem is never the confrontation. The problem I have with any obstacle is feeling licked. And be it the fact that I feel like the same old things keep popping up or the fact that I feel like the subject in a weird sleep deprivation experiment, today, I just feel licked.

I know this is silly. Stupid in fact, given my life and what I was dealing with last year at this time, my outlook is completely different. I've already survived the hard stuff. I also hate this because I'm feeling sorry for myself, really this whole blog thing is pretty self-indulgent and I can't stand that. Everyone has problems. Mine are pretty mild compared. My rational self tells me that. I have it great. Good job, great friends, decent looks. I can be charming and witty and funny and I can kick some ass to. What more could you want?

It could be too that I am ready to go back to school, meet me kids, get back into my routine, and at the same time I like not having a ton of responsibility. I want a little more time to not care. It's like warm air and cold air and I'm stuck in the storm.

We'll see. It's Wed. the week is all downhill from here. Then I'm taking a few days off next week and getting ready to take on the world for the next 9 mos. And that, boys and girls, is all I've got.