I know I said I'd write more this week, but...

This has been one of those weeks that I surely must have made happen when I wrote on Monday that I had nothing going on. This has been one of those weeks that makes me hesitant to blog, you know the whole revealing the inner-workings of my soul, and I don't want this to sound like a pity party. But sometimes the inner-workings of the soul make for a really good story, and I've had lots of time to work my innards this week...

Tuesday around 11:30 I got a call to my cell phone from my brother. In fact I got about 2 calls and a text message before the phone rang again in my hand. I answer it (in the middle of teaching my class) only to be told that my mother, who is 52, was in the hospital having a heart attack. The irony is I've been waiting for the phone call for years, but I'd always thought it would be my mom calling to tell me that Dad had had one. In any case, that's the last thing I really remember super clearly. All I had the presence of mind to do was call my dad. I wasn't even really all that worried. So I call dad trying to figure out what in the Sam Hill was happening and all my big, tough, super hard-ass father can tell me (in between sobs, no less) was that they are working on Mom and that he'd gotten to tell her he loved her. This is my What The Fuck moment, the moment of panic and fear and God knows what else. I calmly hung up the phone, went across the hall, told my girlfriend what was happening and that I had no idea what to do and after that I got escorted from my classroom and my principal told me to get the hell out. So then I spent forever on the phone. I'm really lucky to have my friends. Someone called me a flight while I packed (and considering they haven't known me this long, makes them doing so all the more remarkable), then Sean and Caitlin drove me to the airport and I was in McAllen by 5. So were Ben and Erin. 

I've said before that I always thought my brother would crumble, he'd be the mess. You know, I didn't really fall apart but I couldn't get clear, I couldn't focus. I bought a book at the airport and couldn't even turn the pages. Mercifully I passed out for half the trip. I always thank God for the mercy that he just let's me go until I can't any longer and then I can sleep. Pass out, collapse, anything but think. 

Even though Mom's coronary artery was 100% blocked, we're lucky. She and Dad have been on a strict diet for the past 9 mos. and working out regularly. They only had to put in one stint. I'd been imagining them Grey's Anatomy-ing her chest open. My parents raised strong kids. That's the second blessing. Dad fell apart but he was mean enough and strict enough and pushed enough while we were growing up that we, us 3, our little triumvirate, we were OK. We were together, and we took care of Dad. Whatever regrets he may have, my Dad shouldn't worry too much, because we'll be OK. 

So today I'm just waiting. Mom should be "out of jail" by 4 and then we'll see. I'm just waiting to make sure, because I have to manipulate and touch and control. I'll be back to real life Sunday, maybe even Saturday. So there it is, not in the gory detail it was experienced, but rather the dim sensations, the echos of the week.