So Called Life

I'm pretty ready to get back to my life. Today, I watched "Home for the Holidays", the Holly Hunter, Robert Downey Jr. movie where she goes home for Thanksgiving and hilarity/family drama ensues. I totally sympathize. I don't like coming home, mostly because after 3 days I've done all I can do and then the boredom sets in. That and even though my cousins live here, it's pretty much a forgone conclusion that we're not gonna hang out. Apparently I'm not "cool" (toolie) enough. 

So tonight I did the oldest child thing. The preview for when my parents are senile and infirm, the preview for my middle age and my parents' old age. But I'm really, really ready to go home. I don't sleep well here anymore, without my pillows and my bed and my things. These are just ghosts and memories and they make for disconcerting bedfellows. 

I'm glad it's not worse though. Ten years ago, after I had just learned to drive, I stood with my hands on my hips and told my grandmother, who was gasping for breath (she had been the night before too) that we were going to the hospital, and she didn't want me to have to kick her ass. After her sabbatical from my Papa for a few weeks, it was discovered that she needed a triple bypass. I was there for the ICU, and for the aftermath; the times when it was just Grandma, Papa and me. There were blow-ups and rows. After telling my Papa he was being an asshole, enduring his mental breakdown and having to call my Uncle to "come help me NOW," I went home. I've paid my dues. I'm the "responsible one". That is my niche, albeit a wearing one. I'm not ready to be the leader, the decision maker, the patriarch. I'm enjoying being 25, with no kids and a disposable income. I finally can be responsible and not have to worry about where the next meal comes from. So here's the countdown to home. Things are back to normal or getting there and I'll keep going, so that Mom and Dad keep going. Counting the blessings that this isn't worse. There are no breakdowns or having to help anyone bathe or walk, just pick up the slack when they both get tired.